Friday, June 14, 2013

A sneak peek in the rearview

It has been pretty rare during this cancer journey when I've longed for the old me...and by that I mean my pre-cancer body.

I think that my attitude towards life and myself in general have improved since cancer came on the scene. My priorities have taken a shift, I'm kinder to myself and take a lot less for granted. I've adjusted to my situation and am making the best of it. But there are the odd days when I pine for my missing breast, for hair on my head and skin that isn't numb, painful or worn.

Today...I long to run my fingers through hair that is no longer there.

The picture above was taken just a few years ago when Harry was about ten months old. It reminds me of a time when I was completely and utterly comfortable with being me. I loved my body with its beautiful breastfeeding boobs. I was fit, healthy, happy and whole.

I can't deny that today I really miss that version of me.

My aim is to achieve fit, healthy, happy and whole with my 'new post cancer' body. And the only avenue that I can see getting me there is my attitude. I think I'll need to look at old photos like these with fondness but look at new photos of me with pride. My battle scars show how hard I've fought to hang on to life. I can only see that as a beautiful thing.


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