Mind over Matter...Matter over Mind.

The greatest mistake in the treatment of diseases is that there are physicians for the body and physicians for the soul, although the two cannot be separated. ~Plato

 

And so begins my mental health recovery.

I finished up my short course of antidepressants on Monday. They had an incredibly positive impact on both my emotional state and the reduction of my menopause symptoms. I expected to feel a bit lower after finishing them but was shocked just how intensely those awful emotions came crashing back down on me. The hot flushes ramped straight back up to unbearable and I found myself constantly exhausted, fragile and on the verge of tears. I muddled my way through the next couple of days until I was able to see my GP for another script. In some ways it frightens me that I've fallen into such a heap at the end of my cancer treatment, in others, I feel proud of myself for holding it together for as long as I have whilst under duress. I had to face my demons eventually...now is the right time.

 

 

 

 

I am so very grateful for the incredible friends in my life.

Early yesterday morning my friend Rach called offering to take Jack for the day. Her timing was impeccable...I was really struggling and the opportunity to have some time on my own before my GP appointment was something I happily took up. After dropping Jack off I went to Lanyon Homestead for a bit of solace. And I found solace sitting in the sunshine with coffee and eggs, listening to the quiet. It was good to breathe deeply and feel the sun on the back of my neck. It was good to listen to the birdsong and the hum of a distant tractor. It was good to savour simple food and good coffee.

It was good to be still.

 

 

 

Lanyon has become a haven for me since being diagnosed. A beautiful, peaceful space tucked in a valley, looking out to the mountains. I've found clarity in the quiet and comfort watching the landscape respond to the seasons. Seeing blossoms on the apple trees reminds me that life indeed goes on. There is more to my life than cancer.

 

 

 

 

Standing in the orchard, blossoms overhead and at my feet...I felt for a moment, the toxic anxiety of cancer slip away as the drone of bees filled my ears. An hour at Lanyon was enough to get me through the morning. By afternoon I had started another course of antidepressants and by evening I felt like I could cope again.

 

 

 

 

Today my friend Nicole offered to look after Jack while I went to my first counselling session at the hospital. I had planned to take Jack with me but was very grateful to do the appointment solo. I'm still learning to ask others for help. It doesn't come naturally but these sessions require my full attention so asking for babysitting favours is less luxury and more necessity. My girlfriends are generous and supportive and I really value their help. Jack had a fabulous time playing with Nic's girls at home while I dashed up the road.

 

It was a great first session. I felt comfortable opening up to my counsellor. There are so many aspects to cover. Cancer has a ripple affect on everything. It has touched every part of my life and I want to be able to acknowledge its affect and learn to let go of the emotional residue that built up during treatment. It feels like a safe forum to deal with a couple of awful situations that happened during treatment that I haven't had the liberty of sharing on here. Things that I just didn't have the capacity to deal with during chemo and beyond. It will probably be messy and painful but I honestly believe that I can work through it and find strategies to deal with it.

 

 

 

 

Since being diagnosed I have actively sought out the beautiful in my world. Even when I've felt completely overwhelmed with cancer and the damage it's done to my body, my saving grace has been noticing the beautiful around me. I've been looking for the beautiful a lot lately. Actively seeking it out and capturing it to share with others. There is an abundance of beautiful around Canberra right now. Spring has burst into colour and perfume and sound.

 

I don't know how long it will take for my mental health to recover. I just know that my emotional resilience and wellbeing is just as vitally important as my physical recovery and wellbeing. Cancer will not leave me less. It has shaped me but I will not let it define me.

 

 

 

"Spring drew on...and a greenness grew over those brown beds, which, freshening daily, suggested the thought that Hope traversed them at night, and left each morning brighter traces of her steps."

― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

 

xx Em

 

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Helpful insights looking back...

I received a really beautiful email this past week from fellow blogger Krista from Blanks & Bliss. Here is an excerpt...

'Despite entering your journey on your blog with breast cancer somewhat late, I have been inspired by your strength, honesty and courage. Your story has struck a chord with me and whilst my presence may be lingering, you are never far from my thoughts.

This is why I would love your thoughts on how loved ones can support each other during a time like this. What did you find helpful, reassuring, pestering, annoying, imposing, through your journey? Did people come out of the woodwork with kind offerings? Or did people hide? What is your advice on how to make the journey a little less rough? What did people do, strangers, friends, family, that helped?

I've read about your wonderful mum and husband and the oodles of support you have received from people. But if you could give them advice, what would it be?'

 

Questions definitely worth a blog post so here goes...

Everyone has their own way of dealing with the news that they or their loved one has cancer and one thing I've learnt is to give people the time they need to work through it. I'm the type who prefers to share and get it out in the open rather than use up my energy trying to hide it from others but many of the other patients I got to know in hospital hadn't told anyone outside their immediate circle that they were sick.

To be honest...a lot of the time I didn't really know what it was that I needed or wanted because my situation kept changing, jumping from one treatment to the next. Looking back though, the things that helped the most were simple, practical things like friends cooking meals and dropping them off every now and again, little care packages with lovely body products or magazines, accompanying me to appointments, visits in hospital, babysitting, regular messages of encouragement left on our machine that didn't require a return phone call and beautiful handmade cards in the post.

I found that occasionally there was a very fine line between others anticipating my need for assistance and feeling like I was being watched like a hawk all the time. Bit of a tricky balance because I still craved my independence but was rendered completely helpless at times.

I noticed that everyone kept their own problems, big problems, far out of my reach. Many of my friends were struggling with heartbreaking issues of their own and I wish that I could have been there for them, even if all I could have done was listen from my hospital bed. In saying that though...if one of my beloved had cancer, my instinct would be to shield them from my problems. Such a tough one...its hard to know sometimes. For me, being able to shift my focus off myself and on to others was a good thing. It maintained some normality and kept me from drowning in self pity.

 

I have been met with such an abundance of genuine kindness.

My girlfriends have been the loving framework that has kept me upright, providing hugs, humour, babysitting, inspiration and good coffee.

My family has been the blanket of reassurance wrapped around all of us. Not a week has passed without a phone call or Skype session from my brothers and sisters, my parents, my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandmother. The hands on help from Mum, Katie, Suze and Margie when they've come to visit has been a huge blessing! Giving my boys something lovely and normal to focus on made a huge difference.

The kindness of strangers has been a beautiful thread running through my cancer experience. From the incredible turnout and donations made at the fundraiser from people I'd never met, to the Pharmacist who always asks how I am whenever I set foot in the chemist, to the beautiful comments from readers around the world. They all add up and each moment has boosted my morale and given me the strength to keep fighting. So yes...people certainly came out of the woodwork with kind offerings.

Did anyone hide? Sadly, a couple of friends noticeably slipped away after I was diagnosed...but I don't take it personally. I think it unfair to place expectations on how people deal with upsetting situations...especially if they are dealing with stressful issues in their own lives. My in-laws have been conspicuous by their absence but they were never the type to engage with our kids or offer to look after them before I became sick so there was no expectation that they'd step up after my diagnosis.

Overall though, we have been flooded with generous offers of help and we've been so grateful for the support we've received.

I guess my advice for those who want to support a loved one with cancer is to just be available...don't put expectations on how your loved one should be dealing with their journey and try and keep normality in the equation.

If all else fails...chocolate icecream, lots of chocolate icecream!

xxx Em

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Sisters are doin it for themselves.

I was completely overwhelmed on the weekend.

In the most positive way possible.

By the most incredible group of women.

 

My beautiful maid of honour & dear friend Clare decided a little while ago that she wanted to throw a bit of a fundraising 'do' for me. If there is one thing you need to know about Clare, its that she is amazing at rallying people together and organising things, be it a weekend away, funding for a project, a girls night out or a backyard bbq...she is your woman!!! So needless to say I felt incredibly honoured and just a little bit excited! Add to the mix the rest of my fabulous girlfriends who sneakily got together in a secret facebook group and you've got a recipe for a completely fantastic night.

The event was held in a private function room at the newly renovated Royal Hotel in Queanbeyan. I had no idea what was in store for the night, other than I was to turn up to the Royal on Saturday at 7pm wearing a red dress and that Clare & 3 other friends would be shaving their heads.The rest was strictly hush hush, even my husband was sworn to secrecy on pain of death.

The first surprise of the weekend was the arrival of my old friend Amanda, who flew down from the Sunshine Coast on Friday. It was wonderful to see her, (even if the surprise went slightly awry and she was left waiting on my doorstep while I was out and about doing preschool pickup, oblivious of my visitor's arrival...oops, sorry AJ!). We had a lovely time catching up over dinner. Saturday we had breakfast together at 4th Seed, then went and picked out fabric so that I could make headscarves for each of the girls who were braving the shave. After I dropped Amanda back at her hotel, I went home, hemmed the scarves and popped them in little gift boxes along with a pretty beanie as a token of my thanks.

At 7pm I was dressed in red and ready for a rollicking Royal party!

When I walked into the Royal I couldn't believe my eyes...a sea of gorgeous women all dressed in red, a table stretching along one wall filled with incredible prizes for the raffle draws, red balloons everywhere, waiters with platters of food and a bar serving frozen margaritas.

It was so great to see so many familiar faces and very humbling to meet so many new faces too...friends of friends who had come along to show their support.

(Clare & Tammy...if these two ran our country we'd be set for life! They are a force to be reckoned with and did an amazing job organising the event!)

My friend Amita had arranged for her hairdresser to come along and shave the girls' heads. I can't tell you how proud I was of Clare, Amita, Susan and Sam. Such generous, brave and beautiful women who were willing to lose their locks as a show of support for me.

(L-R Sam, Susan, Amita & Clare)

 

Clare kicked it off

 

then Susan

 

then Amita

and to round it off...Sammy.

 

The room roared with cheers as each gorgeous girl stood up and showed off their buzz cut. And I felt brave enough to ditch my headscarf and bare my bald head and it felt GREAT!

The girls got a quick lesson on how to tie their headscarves

and then it was time to draw the raffles. My goodness I was blown away by the generosity of the businesses and individuals who had donated...the prizes were AMAZING! Headscarves from Birdsnest, beautiful wine glasses, champagne flutes, platters, a saucepan set and tea set from Bunzl Catering Supplies, $300 David Jones gift cards, iTunes gift cards, a weekend at a holiday house in Bermagui, a gorgeous indulgence hamper, a wine hamper, coffee travel mugs filled with chocolate and a basketball signed by the Canberra Capitals...AMAZING I tell you! A huge thank you goes to the management and staff of the Royal as well, they very generously donated the profits from the night and did a fantastic job with the food and cocktails.

We had great fun doing the draw.

The rest of the night was spent chatting, drinking and having a fabulous time together.

You know, as staggered as I am by the amount of money these women raised, and believe me, the amount is truly staggering...it doesn't come as a surprise that they could achieve it. Women have that fantastic ability to come together and support each other. Above and beyond the financial support, which I am very grateful for, I came away from the night with an immense amount of kick ass courage and morale to face a thousand rounds of chemo. Every word of encouragement, every hug and every smile gave me the strength and determination to beat this damned disease. I have never been alone on this journey and after Saturday night I know that I never will be...these girls have my back and I love them for it!

 

So to Clare and all of my beautiful friends both near and far...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

xxx

 

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