Just call me the Lab Rat

It's 4:45am. I've been awake since 3, resettled both boys and spent the last hour flicking though Peter Jackson's Behind the Scenes youtube clips of the Hobbit. Note to self: must visit Hobbiton when we eventually take a holiday in New Zealand.

It's been a hectic couple of days after a weekend of rest and recollection. I woke up on Monday feeling much better and brighter after last Friday's meltdown. I think giving myself the weekend to just let it all out and sleep as much as I could really helped. Whilst I can't let myself wallow in self pity, I also can't waste energy trying to be brave all the time so I'm happy to give myself moments to crumble and then take a deep breath, pick myself up and just keep going. Only moments mind you...thank god my vanity prevents me from blubbering for too long. I look like crap after ten seconds of tears, rather like a puffed up toadfish with sunburn and cruelly it takes forever for my face to return to normal.

Anyhoo, back to the last couple of days...which were spent at the Canberra Hospital being scanned...and scanned...and scanned.

Monday morning I arrived at Nuclear Imaging expecting to have my Bone scan and bone density test. The technician who greeted me upon arrival was a woman very petite in size but freaking scary in demeanor. "What's your name, I don't have you on my list, what do you need???". Turns out that they had booked me in for my Gated Heart Pool scan and the bone density. So I meekly followed instructions, had my bone density test by Little Miss Abrupt and was relieved to be passed over to the Nuclear Medicine Specialist for my heart scan. The heart scan was more complicated. The technician inserted a cannula (with great difficulty thanks to collapsing veins) through which she injected first a primer, then she drew some blood, mixed it with the radioactive tracer and re-injected it into my blood stream. After a twenty minute wait I went in to be scanned which took about half an hour. All in all I spent about two and half hours at Nuclear Imaging. I popped up to Oncology afterwards to chase up the Bone scan request which NI insisted they didn't have. It was lunch time when I left the hospital. I stopped in to Manuka and had some lunch at the french bakery on the way home (hmmm, this is becoming a habbit). I'm not sure if it was what I had for lunch or just another side effect from medication but I was incredibly ill with gastro like symptoms that night. Not pretty, not pleasant.

Tues morning I was woken at 7:30 with a call from Oncology's head nurse who informed me that I was to start chemo on Wednesday...as in tomorrow...24 hours. I came to my senses quicksmart. Bloody hell, that was quick, right then!

I had to go back into hospital for CT scans of chest, abdo and pelvis which involved drinking the repulsive green cocktail, another cannula, an injection of contrast fluid and lying on the scanning table with both arms stretched back past my head which, post mastectomy, was more than a little tricky, we had to improvise. Today's scans were done and dusted in just over an hour so I popped back to oncology to pick up my chemo meds then through the rabbit warren of hospital corridors to pathology for blood tests.

For all the poking, prodding and general discomfort it was a very productive day.

Yesterday afternoon was spent with my boys and last night I packed my bag with healthy snacks, hand cream, audiobooks and magazines. Am tossing up as to whether I take my heavy digital SLR camera or just make do with the grainy images my ipad camera takes. I want to document this experience in photos as much as possible. Practicality says make do but the perfectionist in me says put up with the heavy bag and take the Canon.

I suppose the reason why I'm up blogging in the wee hours of the morning is that I'm nervous about how I'll react to the first chemo. My body has grown a great deal more sensitive with age...the last five years in particular to things like make up and medications. Aside from cigarette smoke, nothing used to bother me in my twenties. I'm a little worried that it will take no time at all for my body to react adversely to the drugs today. I am confident in the ability of the oncology nurses and know that they'll get on top of it the moment anything adverse presents but I still dread it all the same.

Well...its almost six. I think I should try and fall back into bed for an hour.

WIsh me luck! xx

 

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